Yes, you read it right. Overrated is in fact an understatement for this jumbled mass of blurring images and meaningless scenes.
The introduction - if you could call it an introduction - was confusing to begin with. So our man Leo's on a beach, choking on the salt water when he is approached by an Asian guard packing heat who prods him as you would the dead body in the drainpipe near your house. That's alright, I can deal with that, it'll probably soon be explained how he got there and where he came from. GUESS AGAIN, SHERLOCK!
You have to wait 2 hrs before you find out he magically landed there via a dream, then you wonder if he was ever there at all? He proceeds to talk to this old man that nobody seems to know about something that everyone is presumed to understand. This is followed by an insane chase scene wearing tuxedos with loud ear-bursting rumbles and gunfire before he and another guy wake up in a seedy room somewhere (is it Spain? I already zoned out) where an army of people are charging for their hideout for NO APPARENT REASON OTHER THAN TO ATTACK THEM!!
The movie then meanders through another 40 mins of nonsense while this ridiculous scheme is hatched using the girl from Juno who just doesn't pull off the part. She is a starry eyed tween who catches on to this dream weaving thing quicker than DiCaprio catches on to the concept of diversity in his roles. Finally we get to this scene where it's obvious the effects are the main drawcard as there is no real direction at all for 10 mins.
Finally, the last thing I'd even credit in this movie is the ending. It was to me like many of my essays, where I've spent days churning out complete and utter rubbish which is credit standard at best and in no apparent structure before capping it off with this really inspiring conclusion that I hope will enchant the marker enough to make them forget the rest of the essay and just take the conclusion home with them. Well I'll tell you what, Director Christopher Nolan, it didn't work for the markers and it didn't work for me, you hack! I remembered the rest of the movie (at least the part I was awake for). God knows I was given no chance of remembering whatever shade of a plot there was, but I remembered how terrible the movie was, and your 'mindblowing' final scene did nothing to erase the scarring suffered from those 2 hrs of my life I will never get back.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Please, just win it Collingwood?
So it's upon us again. The AFL Finals series and yet again, Collingwood is featuring as the toothless tiger challenger they have been since 1958.
While I have every hope the Pies will go all the way this year, you just can't ignore history. If I had a dollar for every time somone complained about Collingwood losing a final or for when someone uttered that dreadful mutation 'Colliwobbles', well I wouldn't be writing this blog.
The young, naive Maggies faithful will tell you this is the year - Minor Premiers, 13-4-1, even spread of talent with our once numero uno ruckman battling it out in the magoos every weekend...what could go wrong? I'll tell you. 1977.
The siren was seconds away, it looked as though the Piemen were headed for another heartbreaking defeat in the Big Daddy. Suddenly, Ross 'Twiggy' Dunne stood tall and took a pack mark for the ages. As that train horn that has cursed as many teams as it has blessed drew nearer, Twiggy calmly slotted the shot and the scores were tied. Maybe this was the year? Maybe, after 4 Grand Final losses since 1958, this was the on- BRAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!
A draw? A frigging draw?
As the players sat dejected on the field, silence sweeping over the crowd, murmurs began about where they went from here? It was the first drawn Grand Final since 1948. There would be a replay in a week's time, one of the very few Grand Finals that broke the tradition of being held on the last Saturday in September. At that match, there were 10,000 people less than the first Grand Final, but the figure was still a whopping 98,366. The second time around, the Pies were more determined and more accurate. They kicked 19.10 (124). The only problem was, North Melbourne kicked 21.25 (151). They'd blown it again.
That fateful year, Collingwood finished as Minor Premiers. Am I saying that the Magpies will draw the Grand Final again? No. What I'm saying is that in Pieland, Minor Premierships mean nothing. We've only won the bloody thing six times. Random stat: Collingwood holds the record for most times Runners-Up with 25.
But what about 1990, you ask? Well 1990 was a good year. But one must not forget the fortune that fell our way in the drawn Qualifying Final with West Coast. They were a pretty tired outfit by the second week and, being on the other side of the country, their plans were thrown severely out of whack. Also, by the Grand Final, Essendon were coming off a smashing by us, then a smashing of (guess who) West Coast. This meant that not only had they ridden a rollercoaster of form, but they had not really had a chance to test themselves in the two matches they played. They weren't ready for a Grand Final. Well that day they looked pretty ready. Paul 'The Big Fish' Salmon marked several times in the 50 early on. But one wonders what the story would have been if he had not squandered his opportunities in front of goal later on in the match. As the joke runs:
Q. "Who kicked five goals in the 1990 Grand Final?"
A. "Essendon".
But this year, who knows what will become of the Mighty, mighty Magpie Machine? They could win it all, or crash out spectacularly in straight sets. Only time shall tell.
While I have every hope the Pies will go all the way this year, you just can't ignore history. If I had a dollar for every time somone complained about Collingwood losing a final or for when someone uttered that dreadful mutation 'Colliwobbles', well I wouldn't be writing this blog.
The young, naive Maggies faithful will tell you this is the year - Minor Premiers, 13-4-1, even spread of talent with our once numero uno ruckman battling it out in the magoos every weekend...what could go wrong? I'll tell you. 1977.
The siren was seconds away, it looked as though the Piemen were headed for another heartbreaking defeat in the Big Daddy. Suddenly, Ross 'Twiggy' Dunne stood tall and took a pack mark for the ages. As that train horn that has cursed as many teams as it has blessed drew nearer, Twiggy calmly slotted the shot and the scores were tied. Maybe this was the year? Maybe, after 4 Grand Final losses since 1958, this was the on- BRAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!
A draw? A frigging draw?
As the players sat dejected on the field, silence sweeping over the crowd, murmurs began about where they went from here? It was the first drawn Grand Final since 1948. There would be a replay in a week's time, one of the very few Grand Finals that broke the tradition of being held on the last Saturday in September. At that match, there were 10,000 people less than the first Grand Final, but the figure was still a whopping 98,366. The second time around, the Pies were more determined and more accurate. They kicked 19.10 (124). The only problem was, North Melbourne kicked 21.25 (151). They'd blown it again.
That fateful year, Collingwood finished as Minor Premiers. Am I saying that the Magpies will draw the Grand Final again? No. What I'm saying is that in Pieland, Minor Premierships mean nothing. We've only won the bloody thing six times. Random stat: Collingwood holds the record for most times Runners-Up with 25.
But what about 1990, you ask? Well 1990 was a good year. But one must not forget the fortune that fell our way in the drawn Qualifying Final with West Coast. They were a pretty tired outfit by the second week and, being on the other side of the country, their plans were thrown severely out of whack. Also, by the Grand Final, Essendon were coming off a smashing by us, then a smashing of (guess who) West Coast. This meant that not only had they ridden a rollercoaster of form, but they had not really had a chance to test themselves in the two matches they played. They weren't ready for a Grand Final. Well that day they looked pretty ready. Paul 'The Big Fish' Salmon marked several times in the 50 early on. But one wonders what the story would have been if he had not squandered his opportunities in front of goal later on in the match. As the joke runs:
Q. "Who kicked five goals in the 1990 Grand Final?"
A. "Essendon".
But this year, who knows what will become of the Mighty, mighty Magpie Machine? They could win it all, or crash out spectacularly in straight sets. Only time shall tell.
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