10 Things I Hate About Matt

For your entertainment, I decided a little self-degredation wouldn't go astray. There's too much shying away from absolutely ripping on oneself these days and I thought, why not give you all a taste of what I hate about myself, in order to make it easier for you all to put your finger on exactly what it is about me that you also detest.

Of course, I don't want to come across as a self-loathing emo, nor a leaf-eating emu, but especially not a self-loathing emo. So I want it to be known that first and foremost, I love myself dearly and would probably die for myself. Secondly, I want to do this excercise as an equaliser, so that in future posts, where it appears I love myself a little too much, we can look back and reminisce about...

THE 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT MATT:

1. His imbecilic love of himself
2. The fact that, no matter how wrong he is proven to be, there is always a reason for his wrongness, usually the fault of someone else and in some cases an innocent bystander
3. His method of argument - slyly suggest someone is wrong and then continue to bring up the argument even after point 2 has occurred (see above)
4. His way of initially addressing people as 'dude', 'mate' or 'pal'
5. His hair
6. The way he looks at people on the train as if they are common filth
7. The fact that he said he would die for himself
8. Severe case of hypocrisy
9. He doesn't argue with any structure or style, he just contradicts
10. The fact that if you called him a contradictory hypocrite he would say "I am not, you are!"